Saying “Yes” This Time Was Way Too Much

When we left the High Country of NC on September 3, 2012, we weren’t sure if/when we’d return to these ancient mountains we had called home for 13 years.  We knew we’d come back to visit family and friends, but had no plans of returning for any length of time.  By the time we left last year, we were so exhausted from our pace of life in Boone, it took us almost 2 months to feel normal/rested again.  We started sleeping 9-10 hours per night.  Hutch was overly concerned that this was unhealthy behavior, while I celebrated that I was sleeping comfortably for more than 5 hours per night.  We shutter when we think about all that we accomplished in those last few weeks and vowed to never let our lives get so out of hand again.  

 

As our astute, therapist friend Amy so simply put it, everyone has triggers that cause them to fall back into old patterns.  For some, it’s going home for the holidays to spend time with family.  For us, we have discovered that the NC High Country is that trigger.  Over the 13 years we lived here, we did a great deal of “growing up” and became what our society recognizes as “responsible.” This is the place we moved after graduate school to start our first truly professional jobs, the place we bought our first house, and the location where we got married.   Because we feel such a sense of responsibility here, we simply don’t know how to say no to anyone unless we truly already have other plans or commitments.  

When we made the decision to return “home” for 2 months (in order to pick up some part-time work while we were here and visit family and friends), we were excited about the prospect of discovering a different life  – one that was more sustainable, affordable, and peaceful…and maybe slightly less responsible.  Unfortunately, what we have found is that our friends and former colleagues are still running at a pace that simply isn’t human.  Even sleepy little Todd is overwhelmed with tourists on the weekends, making our bodies and minds exhausted from the frenetic summer pace of working at a tubing/kayaking outfitter.  It often took us 3 days to recover from working 4 ten hour days, but instead of resting, we continued to say yes to nearly everyone who asked us to do something – be it simply to come over for dinner or to reorganize their company’s storage closet, complete with dust and mouse poop from the Reagan administration.  

Instead of talking in “glittering generalities” as my 11^th grade English teacher used to say, I thought I’d provide a short list of all that we have done over the past couple of months.  This list is presented as much for me to ponder on, as it is to offer some detail for my readers.  We have worked at 5 different places for a total of about 55 hours per week, completed six additional 6-hour environmental education workshops (held in 3 different counties) and our 20+ hour community partnership project for our NC Environmental Education Certification, spent a few days cleaning up our house/yard and welcomed new renters, told “our story” to at least 200 people who asked, interviewed 3 real estate agents and put our house on the market, attended the Banff Mountain Film Festival (including Hutch playing the opening music on Friday night), volunteered at BeerFest, cat sat for friends, attended 3 birthday parties, 2 weddings, 1 retirement party in Ohio, and reorganized our lives so that we could downsize once again -- this time to just 3 bags, Hutch’s guitar, my camera, and our computer.  

Shit, no wonder I’m tired?  Some would say that you just need to get used to the pace again.  I ask…why would I want to?   We were part of this rollercoaster for many years before we left Boone and my body was telling me to get off this crazy ride before it killed me.  I spent many weeks sick as a dog in my last few years in the High Country working in higher education.  One year, my immune system was so depressed that I caught every random virus that walked by me.  I had completely exhausted my internal resources and needed some serious outdoor/play therapy in order to discover what I really wanted/needed out of life.  I found it on the road and thought I could sustain it, even when we returned back to Boone.  I was wrong.  When we got to Boone in late July, we were catapulted back into the day-to-day life of our friends and colleagues who are running around at a blistering pace from one event, program, etc. to the next.   Honestly, you’d think this was Manhattan, if it weren’t for all the trees.  

Don’t’ get me wrong, I’m certainly not complaining here…I am quite thankful for the work/extra money and time with good friends and family.  We definitely needed it.  Rather, I have become more keenly aware of the fact that this frenetic lifestyle is simply not who I am anymore and really need to learn how to say no…and mean it.  We are not afraid of hard work, as we’ve been doing a good deal of farm work over the past year.  We have been in Boone for 9 weeks and have only made time for 1 short bike ride, a sunset paddle, and 2 short hikes.  My body hurts and my mind is spinning like a carnival ride.  My brain feels like a terribly written freshman term paper full of dangling participles, run-on sentences, and no sense of flow.  As we leave Boone for the next few months, I am once again left feeling desperate to find a sense of inner peace and balance that will carry me beyond our time on the road.  I never thought I’d say that working on a farm could be restful, but after the craziness of the past couple of months, I am looking forward to the pace of the Hawaiian Islands in a way that I’m not sure that I can begin to articulate.