The end of 2012, the world goes on...

I cannot say that I’m sad to see 2012 go.  It has been a memorable year, but I’m not sure it’s one really worth repeating.   Anyone want to go through that election year cycle again?  Better discourse has been found in a pre-grudge match WWF smack-down.  The functionality of our current federal government at the end of the calendar is so impressive I was inspired to develop a new drinking game, feel free to play along at home while watching the news or listening to the radio at work.  Ready?  Wait for it… “Fiscal Cliff”… Drink!  Add to that the political mire that showed right-up after Super-Storm Sandy devastated the Jersey/NY shore.  Anyone want another go with Sandy?  I doubt it.  And in the waning days of this year, our nation, our people, our world was tragically reminded that violence has no meaning, no message, and no mercy in Newtown, Connecticut.  We are a sadder people collectively after 2012, like 9-11, Columbine, Virginia Tech, Oklahoma City, among others; there is no way to fully recover from terrorism.  No matter what good things may come from a small town’s grief the loss remains.  So, you see my point, 2012 can make sure the door doesn’t hit it in the ass as it walks out. 

Before you think my optimism has completely flown the coop, let me assure you that it has not, nor is it fully restored.  Though I cannot remember a year in my life when it was more challenged, there were some brief moments which have buoyed it back to a place where hope has rekindled.  One such time which possibly packed the most punch in recent memory occurred on election night, 2012.  We found ourselves in the “Yes on 1” marriage equity rally in Portland Maine.  For those of you not up on your Maine ballot initiatives allow me one brief moment of description.  Proposition 1 would allow same-sex couples the right to marry whomever they loved.  This issue had been swinging around electoral Maine for the past 6 years.  First the state legislature approved it only to have it overturned by the people in a very close referendum.  For the past 2 years the marriage equity folks have been knocking on doors and talking with people face-to-face to make sure this year’s proposition would be approved by the people. 

I say “found ourselves” at the rally because it was just chance that we stumbled upon this event.   The farm where we volunteered hosted a fundraiser in downtown Portland at the kind of wood-fired, brie and organic asparagus pizza place you would expect a town like Portland to have.  It had great food, high quality beer, but it didn’t have a television.  On any other night, I would have considered this a heroic attribute of any establishment, but tonight I was desperate to see the results despite my low expectations.  So too were the other farm staff who quickly rattled off options where we could continue libations and either toast victory or drown sorrow.  On the suggestion that the “Yes on 1” party would certainly be the most fun, we made our way there.  Despite the early hour the attitude in the ballroom of the only high-rise hotel in town was electric.  

The room was set up with several large screens showing the local feed of election night coverage and many other smaller screens around the room showing all the national channels.  People buzzed about the room getting food, hitting up the bar, running into their friends, talking in tight circles, dancing on the floor to the DJ, looking pretty much like every other group of Americans in a ubiquitous hotel ballroom, Anywhere USA.  We saw retirees, teenagers, middle-agers, and everyone else amidst the crowd of bearded, twenty-thirty-something hipsters that you’d see any night of the week in downtown Portland.  Gay, straight, bi – it seemed there was no “type” of person here at this rally.   For the life of me, I don’t know why I was surprised by this?

Throughout the evening the local news cut to live coverage inside this very room interviewing the organizers and supporters.  When it did, the crowd got a quick infusion of energy raising the pulse of the room a beat.  From time to time, the local news cut to the “Vote No” gathering.   From the brief glimpse I saw in these moments, I can only say that the pulse there was on life support.   Six people gathered in some church-like multi-purpose room with pallid balloons and paper plates – it was clear they were having about as much fun as a dateless college student ironing his clothes on a Saturday night.  How does one get dressed up to celebrate the discriminatory status quo?  I can imagine this as the next theme party fad to sweep the nation, “Dress like your insurance agent,” “Come attired in your best Boggle wear,” or any other such function requiring an Oxford button-down.  

As the night gained speed and results started to roll in, I began to get that old familiar feeling.  We’d been here before, 2000, where we thought things were looking good only to have the hanging chads and the supreme court of Florida step in.  Despite the energy, I was cautious about hope.  Then some key results began to come in, several of the swing states were going for President Obama, the Fox News channel was doing its freak show dance, Rachel Maddow was calling it on MSNBC and the Maine Precincts were approaching the magic number with a 53% - 47% going to “yes.” It was beginning to feel like the momentum could not be stopped.  

When the organizers of the Mainers for Marriage Equity took to the stage to celebrate the results of their still slim victory they did so with tears in their eyes and tremors in their strained voices.  With great humility they displayed the passion which carried them and their volunteers to conduct over a quarter of a million face-to-face conversations with Maine voters.  They gave credit to each other and to the thousands of volunteers, supporters who went to the polls and even to those Mainers who disagreed with them, welcoming them to the conversation.  This was the first ever voter-approved initiative, and later that night 4 other states followed suit.  

I celebrated with them all, a North Carolina voter who grew up in Michigan and for the first time in my life sang along without a trace of irony when the DJ played, “Proud to be an American.”  For on that night I was, and it felt liberating to embrace a patriotism defined by evolving interpretations on our founding values, equality and justice for all.  The face that the Mainers for Marriage Equity put on their marketing were the face of everyday Mainers, everyday Americans – just like the people in which we now found ourselves.   It was the face of individuals who have been denied the right to marry who they loved.  

This issue is important because my friends (some of the best married couples and parents I know) have chosen to move away from their home states to live where they can have the same legal rights everyone else takes for granted.  It is important because they worry about traveling through the heartland of America, fearful that an accident or emergency might land them in a hospital where narrow definitions of “family” might deny access to their kids, their spouse, and their family in a time of crisis where one could think of little else.  It is important because marriage means more than “civil union” in our society.  Marriage is a term we all know, understand, and sometimes respect.  The love between two people won’t necessarily be stronger because of a word, but it can be if the society around that union believes in the success of that couple.  Our founding documents don’t guarantee that people will be happy in this nation of ours, but it does mention that people should have the right to give it a go, knock themselves out trying.  After living in North Carolina where just this past year, our citizens voted discrimination into the State Constitution I wondered if we’d forgotten that.  

So here I am at the start of 2013 with a bit more hope in my back pocket that this issue of civil rights is one step closer to its inevitable conclusion.  Just as we could not imagine a society which embraces slavery or institutional segregation, or denies anyone the most basic rights in today’s United States, around the corner lies a country which will think, “what was all the fuss about?”  Like the prejudices of the past, this has begun its slow death eventually dwindling to small pockets of ignorance and hate, while the majority of our society will move on to other issues which need to be address and stop wasting our time on this one.